The Kelp/Issue X
Introduction Welcome guys to the 10th issue! Wow doesn't time go by fast! Me, SBCA and Ghastlyop are still here giving you all your excellent news! Ok let's see whats in store for this issue! Another pointless comment given out by User:IRmjii 17:47, March 28, 2015 (UTC) News The 2nd Meeting Of SBFW Has Been Arranged! I'm sure most of you remember the Admin and Former Beurcrat RamDarre who has been active for almost 3 years. He was demoted due to a Beurcrat situation and so is now currently an admin. Recently he was inactive but now has returned to bring you a new and exclusive Offical SBFW Chat Meeting! Since February/March 2015 the first official Chat Meeting went down a sucsess and we hope this meeting will as well. It's like the first one but with maybe a bit more in depth to it. We got a few words from Luis who talks about the meeting. "I think it's a really great idea but it will be difficult becuase he hasn't really given me anymore updates on the meeting other than the date, time and what will happen. But then again i'm sure it will be useful to some...." - Luis Great News.....SBFW has gone Malaysian! TheITChap has finally returned after many months of hiatuses. He used to be really active on this wiki but one day he left and didn't come back for a very long time. Luckily he has returned after months of silence to bring users like SBCA onto there knees in joy. We don't know why he has returned or what will he be doing but it's great to see him after many months of quitness. Here is a quick word from him: "I'm sorry if i have been gone for a while but i was very busy with stuff. Can't really chat as i have a lot to do. but i will catch you later! - TheITChap Weather Like i have said in he past few issues. These are real listings and fake ones. USA If you are in the USA then you will be ok. It's not scorching hot but it's 8 degrees of sun. You may not even need a jacket in the heat so you don't need to. It's also mild in wind so it's safe to head outdoors for the spring. UK I feel sorry for you people. Not only theres going to be rain. There's also going to be winds of up to 25mph. Geez how can you move in that wind! 8 degrees won't cut it for the rain you will experience in the UK. So time to put your coats on. Philippines The country really loves the sun. It's a whooping 33 degrees of sunshine, sunshine and more sunhine. So it's time to head to the beach with the warm weather. Don't forget to put suncream on to avoid yourself being hot n crispy. But other than that go and enjoy yourself. Jokes Section Q: Why did the guy leave the pie factory? A: It didn't pan out the way he liked. Q: Why did the boy ate his homework? A: He thought it was a peice of cake! Q: What sport do Insects play? A: Cricket! Q: How do sinks dance? A: By tapping there feet! Riddle Of The Day A panda goes to a restaurant and orders. Once he has eaten he shoot's the water and leaves. When the police question him he says "Look me up in a dictionary". What did the dictionary say? Last weeks answer The movie was called Friday! Puzzle Section Sudoku! A-Maze-Ing! Find The Correct Path! Last weeks answers: Odd One Out! 1. Newspaper 2. Couple 3. Date 5. Monday 6. Internet Countdown Scapula is the longest word i got. What about yours? Number Pyramid! Apologies if you can't see it well. I made the answers. Reviews We continue our run through Basket Sponge, we've seen the beginning with The Legendary Plotholes Begin & Practice Stalking Squidward Makes for a Perfect 2nd Episode. Now we continue... Everything Wrong with Basket Sponge (Part 2) LeBron: (blows whistle) Five laps around the gym! Now! Excuse me, Doctor Bugs? Where's the explanation for why Lebron and the gang are here today? +1 sin. Krabs: (pant, pant) I've had one too many krabby patties. I'm not cut out for this! LeBron: Well, are you cut out for money? What. (realization) Oh, very funny joke SARCASM. +1 sin. Krabs: (eyes turn into dollar signs) Cha ching! Yessiree! Where's me money? LeBron: If we win our basketball tournament at the end of the season, the money's our's! Now push it, crablegs! Our's? Don't you mean Ours. +1 sin. Krabs: I'm pushing it!!!! Patrick: Couch, why are you making us run? Couches are made to sit on. LeBron: Grrrrrr.....it's COACH!!!! YOU STUPID STARFISH!!!!!!! Squidward: (running) Motivation! Motivation! Motivation! Motivation! (runs into the wall) .....ouch Slapstick is funny, only on the real show. +1 sin. LeBron: (blows the whistle) Okay, everyone, line up. We have 3 weeks until our first game. Next week, we'll be doing a scrimmage against some guys in the street- Ooo... Foreshadowing. That is so good. +1 sin. Larry: So streetball? LeBron: Kind of, but no- Krabs: In the GHETTO? I'll get MUGGED! All me money will be ruined!! LeBron: Nobody's getting mugged! Patrick: A coffe mug? YES!!! That'll go great with my couch! (sits on LeBron) Has anyone ever drunk a cup of coffe? I've drunk coffee, but never coffe. +1 sin. LeBron: (throws Patrick off) Enough! Everybody shut up! Let's focus on today. We need to make this practice count! Bulldogs on three! 1, 2, 3,.....BULLDOGS!!!! The team began to practice. Too late because the last episode was called Practice! +1 sin. Larry dribbled down the court, and passed it to Krabs. Larry set a pick on Squidward, so Krabs could go straight down the middle. SpongeBob:(under the basket) I'm open! I'm open! Krabs: Here, lad! (passes the ball) SpongeBob: (gets hit in the face) Owwwww...... LeBron: Shake it off, boy. Plankton: "I shake it off, I shake it off, I-I-I shake it off, I shake it offfff....." Sex joke? Wait. Failed Sex joke. +1 sin. Everyone: .......................................... (cricket, cricket) Plankton: What? Nobody? Really? (gets crushed by the ball) OUCH! The team continued to practice. Larry dribbled down the court. SpongeBob: (jumping up and down) I'm open! I'm open! Larry, I'm open! Larry: (trying to ignore him) Anybody open? SpongeBob: MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Larry: Anybodyyyyy....ELSE? SpongeBob: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!! Larry: (sigh) Fine. Here ya go, kid! (passes the ball) SpongeBob: (catches the ball) Yes! Got it! Patrick: Duhh....I like trains... Memes don't make your episode funnier, they just outdate the episode. +1 sin. SpongeBob: Patrick, here, catch! (throws the ball too high and hits a lightbulb, starting a fire) The team panicked and ran outside to escape the fire. After the Fire Department left, LeBron found SpongeBob sulking on the front steps of the gym. LeBron: (sits down) Hey, little man, what's bugging ya? SpongeBob: Our first game is in 3 weeks, and I can't even receive a pass! (sigh) I'm horrible at basketball. LeBron: Don't tell yourself that! Do you think I got this good at basketball by sitting around feeling sorry for myself? SpongeBob: (shakes his head no) LeBron: And neither are you. (puts his hand on SpongeBob) Treat every day like it's your last. Get out there, and be the best you can be. Don't worry about anything else. If you put forth your best effort, everything else will just fall into place. SpongeBob: (sniff) Really? LeBron: Yep. And hey, I wanna give you something. SpongeBob: What is it? LeBron: (takes off his shoes) Here you go. Do you know what these are? SpongeBob: Your shoes? LeBron: Not just any shoes...my lucky shoes. Do you know who's shoes these originally were? SpongeBob: No. LeBron: Michael Jordan's father's. And then he passed them down to Michael Jordan. Then he passed them down to his son. Then his son sold them on ebay. Then my dad bought them. And he passed them down to me. Erm... When did this all take place, I can't put my head between the Nineties or the Noughties. +2 sins. SpongeBob: Wow....those must be some stinky old shoes! That's why Shia Lebouf thought and then he dug some holes... For Disney. +1 sin. LeBron: It's not about the awful smells of life, it's about what's in here: (points at SpongeBob's heart) SpongeBob: My penis? Who says penis with heart? +1 sin. LeBron: Your heart! You have more heart than any player I've ever worked with. Trust me boy, you're time is coming. Just be patient. Wear these shoes tomorrow. I think you'll be surprised. SpongeBob: Wow! Thanks, Coach! THE NEXT DAY AT PRACTICE Plankton: Hey, have you noticed Coach doesn't smell like rotten cheese today? Squidward: Yeah, I did notice that. Looks like he changed his shoes. SpongeBob slammed open the door, and marched into the gym. Larry: AWWWWWHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! What is that ransid odor?????????????? SpongeBob: That, my friend, would be mah lucky shoes! (points to his shoes) Plankton: Take them off!!! SpongeBob: No way! These were Michael Jordan's shoes! They have magical powers. Right, coach? Those magical powers include ''' *Ending his run with the NBA. *Taking up Baseball instead of Basketball *Ending up in Space Jam, which is a average movie, the only good part is Lola. *And then fading into obscurity after 1996. '''Now you regret that. +2 sins. LeBron: Uhh....yeah, sure, okay, .......let's start practicing! (blows whistle) Larry dribbled down the court, and passed to Patrick. Patrick: (staring at the ball) Hmmm.....SLERP! SLERP! This is delicious! (swallows ball) Larry: (punches Patrick in the stomache, causing him to vomit the ball out) Stomache? Don't you mean Stomach. +1 sin. SpongeBob: I got it! I got it! (jumps and catches it) Wow! These shoes are doing me wonders! Krabs: Shoot the ball, lad! Quick! SpongeBob: (throws the ball up and it crashes through the ceiling) The ball traveled far into the sky, and hit a plane, causing the plane to crash land directly on the gym. 9/11 would be so proud of that joke. +1 sin. Everyone: (crawling out of the pile of rubbish) Cough, cough! Squidward: Now look what you did, you idget! Squidward English is bad at. +1 sin. Krabs: You suck!!! Larry: Get out of here!!! You worthless piece of garbage!!!!! SpongeBob: My lucky shoes failed me...... (burst into tears) Larry: And YOU failed US!!! Now get OUT!!!!! LeBron: (grabs Larry's nipple) I'm the coach here. Now you can shut up. Thank you. -1 sin. Larry: (in pain) .....yes, sir..... LeBron: (looks at the team) I'm ashamed of you. Plankton: Yeah, SpongeBob, you destroyed our gym! LeBron: Not him. I'm ashamed of everyone BUT him. Larry: What??? How??? LeBron: In my short time of coaching here, he's displayed more heart and courage than anyone I've ever met in my entire life. SpongeBob, I hearby make you team captain. Larry: What??? That was supposed to be ME! I'm the best player here! LeBron: The true best player, is the one who has this: (points at his heart) Krabs: A penis? *thumps head on table* That joke is not funny. +1 sin. LeBron: Nooo! A heart!!! And you guys have failed to see that!!! I'm very disappointed in you all except for SpongeBob! Plankton: Well now we have no gym! What are we gonna do? LeBron: As punishment, all of you are going to RE-BUILD this gym!!!! Larry: (sigh) Yes, Coach. C'mon guys, let's get to work. LeBron: SpongeBob, you may go home. SpongeBob: No thanks, Coach. If it's okay, I'd like to stay and help re-build this place! LeBron: Wow. Son, you're truly the most incredible person I've ever met. SpongeBob: Thanks, Coach. But I owe it to these lucky shoes you gave me! LeBron: By the way, those aren't actually Jordan's shoes. I found those shoes in a garbage can in the ghetto. Ha ha. Don't. you. believe. it. +1 sin. Krabs: The ghetto???? We're getting mugged??? TAKE COVER!!!!!!!!! HIDE ME MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Episode 4 - Prisoners of The Match SpongeBob: (wakes up) I'M REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Squidward: If you say that one more time I swear to Neptune I'll cook your head for Thanksgiving! SpongeBob: ....okay, sorry. Guess what! Do you know what today is? Squidward: Yes, we have that stupid scrimmage in the ghetto. Krabs: (jumps out of Squidward's mailbox) The ghetto???? No!!!!! Me money!!!!! Don't mug me!!!!! You can kill me, just don't take me money!!!!! (runs down the street) SpongeBob: Uhhh....how'd he get there? Squidward: You don't wanna know. (wink) Oh. Sexual activity. +1 sin. SpongeBob: That's disgusting.....whatever that means. Anyway, I'm gonna go wake up Pat! Don't wanna be late! SpongeBob enters Patrick's home. Patrick is fast asleep in bed. He is holding two basketballs in his arms. Patrick: (sleep talking) Aww yes!!! Basketballs, baby!!! SpongeBob: That's nice. He's dreaming about basketball. And I'm facepalming on how I had to write this. +1 sin. Patrick: (sleep talking) Girl, you have the biggest basketballs of any girl I know... SpongeBob: .........well that was an unexpected comment. Patrick: (squeezing the two balls) Girl, I could play with your basketballs all day. What do you say we score some points? SpongeBob: OKAYYYY!!! Time to wake him up! (starts shaking him) Patrick, wake up! Patrick! Thank you. -1 sin. Patrick: (in his dream world, we see him on a beach with his dream girl) Patrick is about to kiss his dream girl, when her head suddenly turns into SpongeBob's head. SpongeBob: (in Patrick's dream) Patrick, wake up! Patrick! Patrick: (wakes up) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! SpongeBob, you had BIG basketballs!!!! SpongeBob: What? .....never mind, come on! We're gonna be late! Patrick: Are we going to Chik-Fil-A? What? +1 sin. SpongeBob: We're going to the ghetto! Our team has a scrimmage against some ghetto guys today. Patrick: Will there be girls there? SpongeBob: It's the ghetto, Patrick. Patrick: So? Yes. +1 sin. SpongeBob: Let's stop talking. Let's go. 15 minutes later LeBron: Good, everybody gathered here today in the ghetto. Krabs: (shaking nervously, holding his pockets) Gulp......I don't like this place... LeBron: So, who's ready for the scrimmage? SpongeBob: Me! Me! Meeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Larry: So, who are these guys we're gonna scrimmage against? LeBron: I have no idea. I met 'em online. They told me to meet them at the Bikini Bottom Prison. Squidward: That would explain why we're standing outside of a prison. LeBron: (looks at his watch) They should be here by now. Plankton: Maybe they meant INSIDE the prison. LeBron: What? inside the prison? BAHAHAH! Don't be ridiculous! .......(walks into the prison) Woman at the Counter: Hi, welcome to Bikini Bottom Prison, how can I help you? Patrick: (punches SpongeBob) Told ya there'd be girls here! But not the ones you are looking for. +1 sin. SpongeBob: (sigh) LeBron: I have an appointment with some prisoners. We have a basketball scrimmage scheduled for today. Woman at the Counter: Down the hallway, take a left at the water fountain. That's where the basketball court is. LeBron: Okay, thanks. Come on, team, let's go. Patrick: (stays at the counter, drooling and staring at the lady) The woman pushes the security button. +1 sin. ''' LeBron: Patrick!! Let's go!! Patrick: Oh, sorry! Coming! (turns to the lady) This isn't gonna work out. I'm just not ready for a relationship. But just for the record....I LOVE YOU! (runs down the hallway) Woman at the Counter: .....(calls the Head Sherrif) Yeah, we're gonna need a taser and some pepper spray. '''What is with characters who are doing good things to me. -1 sin. In the hallway LeBron: Now, before we enter the basketball court, we need to discuss our game plan. Squidward: Which is? LeBron: I have absolutely no idea. Krabs: What?? Nothing?? You mean I came here to potentially get mugged....for NOTHING???!!! Larry: Coach!!! We need a plan!! This is our first scrimmage, and more importantly, our first real game is next week! LeBron: Gosh! I said I was sorry! SpongeBob: No you didn't! LeBron: Oh. Well sorry. Plankton: I have a plan!!!!! Larry: What is it? Plankton: Since we have no game plan whatsoever, I say we just throw Pokeballs at them! Get it? Because I like Pokemon. +1 sin. Squidward: Pokeballs? Are you kidding? Plankton: (pulls out a bag of Pokeballs) LeBron: (sigh) Better than nothing. Now let's get in there and show them what we're made of. The team opened the door, and entered the prison's basketball court. There were 6 tough-looking men on the court. One of them was the coach. Prison Coach: You dirtbags are going down! You know nothing of us, you're a sad excuse of a team! Get ready for some real power! OH NO! NOT THE REAL POWER OF TEAMWORK. I LAST PLAYED THAT GAME SIX YEARS AGO. +1 sin LeBron: Let the game begin! Plankton, you sit on the bench. Plankton: What?? Why??? LeBron: Only five players are allowed on the court at a time. You're player six, now sit the bench. Plankton: Fine! (hands Larry the bag of Pokeballs) Take these, my friend. You're gonna need 'em. Coach blew the whistle, and the game began! Opposing Player: Y'all are goin' DOWN!!! (gets whacked by a Pokeball) Ouch! What the hell??? Larry: Crap! These things only work in the movies! Oh. Larry sees the Pokémon movies. +1 sin. Plankton: (from the bench) Curses! I knew I shouldn't have bought those "Real Pokeballs" on ebay! CURSE YOU, INTERNET! Larry: Even worse, we don't have a plan now! LeBron: (yells from the bench) Just wing it, Larry! You can do it! Larry: You're right. I can do this. SpongeBob: What should we do? Larry: SpongeBob, go to the left corner. Patrick, go to the right corner. Krabs, stay to the side of me. Squidward, go down the middle. Larry got the basketball, and dribbled down the court. The 5 angry prison players were playing some killer defense! .....literally SpongeBob: Ahhh!!!!!! This guy is strangling me!!!! Patrick: Duh, this dude is pointing a gun-shaped basketball at me... Krabs: THIS GUY IS MUGGING ME!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ME MONEY!!!!!!!!!! Squidward: I'm completely fine.....(blast).........(falls over dead) Oh my god, they killed Squidward. +1 sin. Larry: Ah! Now what do I do? LeBron: Shoot the ball, Larry!!! SHOOT THE BALL!!!! It was the moment of truth. In slow-motion, with patriotic music, Larry crouched down and got ready to shoot the ball..... (BLAST!) Larry: (the ball deflates) Okay, who shot the ball literally? We weren't talking about actual shooting! Opposing Player: (puts a gun behind his back) Tee-hee....sorry. LeBron: Well....I guess the game can't go on. Squidward: (wakes up, holding his chest) Ohhhh.....what happened. LeBron: We should probably get him to a hospital. The next day at basketball practice LeBron: Well, team, I understand our scrimmage last night was an absolute fail... Larry: Yeah! Tell me about it! Krabs: (sniff) They took me money! Squidward: (feels a bandage on his chest) I can feel my heart contracting... LeBron: But, I wanna compliment each and every one of you. Despite your circumstances, you all did amazing! Larry: But we're completely unprepared for our first real game! It's next week! LeBron: All we need is a game plan. My fault for not thinking of that sooner. But we all learned a lesson today. Larry: Never trust a prisoners? Krabs: Never visit the ghetto with a full wallet? Squidward: Always wear a bullet proof vest? SpongeBob: Sponges can still be strangled even though they have no necks? Plankton: Never buy Pokeballs from ebay?........BLASTED GOOD DEALS!!! Patrick: Playing basketball isn't how I dreamed it would be? Everyone: (staring at Patrick) ............................ LeBron: Ummmmm, no. I have no idea what the lesson is. Let's just never scrimmage again. LeBron. You've got 12 more episodes until that happens. +1 sin. Squidward: (heart throbs) Agreed. Total Sins - 27 Result - Bill O Reilly. Advertisments firey battlefield on grass lands. Ghastly: Admins of SpongeBob Fanon Wiki, Kings of the seas. Today, you leave me no choice. Today this war will end. no more. Ghastly No more. No More. Ghastly: I have no desire to survive this. Every moment in time and space is burning. It's got to end. Adam 'The Ghost' Smith/Ruby Kuropato: We will not die. Ruby Kuropato: The final sanction. The end of time will come for you. Ghastly: Great men are forged in fire, it's the privilege of lesser men to carry the flame. Esa6426: No more Admins... no more haters... Princess. Esa... Ghastly: No more. The Wacky Adventures Of Ghastly. April 1st Closing Message Me, SBCA and Ghastly will still be here evrey week giving you all the news, updates and everything else in that category. But other than that it's a Goodbye from me. I'll see you on the next issue. Another pointless comment given out by User:IRmjii 17:44, March 28, 2015 (UTC) Category:The Kelp Category:The Kelp: Volume I Category:2015 Category:The Imperial Ghost Category:SBCA Category:IRmjii